I Think Too Much

What a whirlwind of a week! I’m actually exhausted from the amount of time I have spent with friends. My old high school friend and I have hung out on 4 of the last 7 days — beach on Wednesday, s’mores/hot tub/sleepover on Saturday night into Sunday, Memorial Day parade and 6-mile bike ride on Monday. He has also invited me to a baseball game this Saturday (but that is still pending — he’s not sure if he’ll be in town).

And now for a little segment I like to call “Lauren Thinks Way Too Much About Everything:”

It has already been an amazing summer, and I’m trying my best to keep all “what if” situations out of my head. I love to fantasize about what I could be doing in the future, so for once I’m trying to avoid doing it too much. It’s hard, though; after so much time with that guy friend of mine, my brain automatically starts going to “what if we start dating?” The fantasy answer: “we live happily ever after” and all that jazz. The reality answer: we’re both about to enter a new chapter in each of our lives that will take us in different directions. He’s moving to another state in August; I’m graduating in December and I’m looking at grad schools (particularly those in Michigan). I think we would both do fine in a long-distance relationship, but I also know that neither of us are ready to compromise on our futures at this point in time.

A few weeks ago, my best friend admitted to me that she was jealous of all the options I have. I may be a mom, but I’m still single, which means my grad school decision (or job decision) does not have to be based on where my husband gets a job. I can go anywhere. Yeah, there might be a great grad program at a school in the same city my guy friend is moving to, but I couldn’t make my grad school or job decision based on the location of a boyfriend. (And I swear to God that I looked at that grad program before I knew that he was moving.) Now, if I were seriously dating someone and we knew we were going to get married, then yes, I would look for schools/jobs based on that, but that’s not anything close to our situation.

My philosophy on love boils down to this: if I’m meant to be with someone, we will end up together somehow. (Fate, soulmates, etc… I believe in all of that). This guy and I will end up together if it’s truly meant to be that way, even if it takes several more years.

There is a reason for everything. There’s a reason I reconnected with him instead of any of my other friends from high school. Maybe his only purpose for reappearing has nothing to do with love or relationships and is all about getting me to the right grad school? Before we made plans to meet up for the first time this summer, I started getting really interested in his alma mater. As soon as I told him that I had scheduled a visit up there and that I was really interested in the program, he has been on a mission to convince me to go there. He’s sure that I will love it up there as much as he did. Or, maybe his purpose in reappearing this summer is to spark the attraction that will eventually lead us together when the timing is a little better?

One reason I know he showed up this summer was to show me that there are some amazing guys out there. He’s reminding me what it’s like to just hang out with a guy and be friends. I got myself into a bad habit of just throwing myself into having sex with guys, but he is my proof that being great friends with a man beats out having sex with a guy you aren’t extremely close to.

Time to put all my crazy thoughts to rest and refocus myself on summer school and preparing for grad school/searching for jobs. Finding my soulmate will work itself out in time.