I was going to let my blog sit here and die because it’s tough to jump back on the blogging bandwagon after such a long hiatus. I’ve thought about it for a little while now, and I think it’s time to start blogging regularly again. I have ideas floating around for a new blog title that will fully encompass the topics I want to blog about. (It’ll stick to single motherhood a lot like it has in the past, but I want it to be a little more than that, I think.)

But first, a brief recap of the last several months:

• I DID end up quitting my job. My last day was sometime in mid-May. I have the most amazing parents ever, and they have allowed me to live with them and be a stay-at-hom mom until I start school again.
• I’m hoping to go back to my Plan A of going to grad school. The application materials are all in, and figuring I get accepted, I’ll be starting my program in January.
• While I’m waiting, I’ve started freelancing for my local paper again. My previous full-time job taught me that I don’t really like journalism — I’d much rather be in academia — but I’m just doing this freelance gig on the side to get a little money here and there.
• By the time I quit my job in May, I managed to regain ALL of my pregnancy weight from the stress eating I did. I’ve lost neary 10 of those pounds since moving back in with my parents, so there’s still a long way to go
• AND, this summer I got to meet Anna’s soon-to-be stepmom (which has to be a post of it’s own because it’s just too much to write at the moment.)

So… welcome back to my blog!

This means that I will be a full-time stay-at-home mom through the rest of the summer, and then only God knows what fall will bring (possibly a grad school class or two, as long as I apply in time).

Anna is with her paternal grandparents at the moment, and her dad is supposed to come visit for a couple days, so they’ll have her through Monday (and possibly even Tuesday, depending on when he has to leave).

Shortly after I move back home, I’d like to go see some family in West Virginia. My great grandma was really sad that Anna didn’t come along with my mom when she visited last month.

But why stop with WV? I have family in Virginia as well, so I think I’ll try to continue to that area as well. Overall, Anna and I could be driving over 1600 miles over the course of a week

Can’t wait to see what the summer brings!

In a good week, 40 of those are spent working, and Anna sleeps for another 50 hours (she averages about 10 hours a night).

That leaves me with 30 hours of face-to-face time with her during the work week (which equals 25% of my time Monday through Friday).

But, I often have events that need to be covered in the evenings during the week, so a “normal” week would actually leave me with spending less than 25% of my time being a mother.

I’m calculating all of this because I’m getting to the point where I just don’t have the free time and flexibility necessary for my job. And if I don’t have enough time for the job, I sure as hell don’t have enough time to also be a good mother.

This job + motherhood has turned out to be such a horrible combination. Both of them are awesome on their own, but they don’t easily mix.

What I thought was just a temporary rut is turning out to be something a little more long-term, and I’m afraid that I’m going to get hit with a week where I can’t possibly keep up… and if I can’t keep up, I screw up an entire community newspaper, since I’m the lone staff writer for the entire thing.

There’s a staff meeting tomorrow, so I’m going to meet with my bosses seperately afterward to let them know about my concerns. (Basically, I easily fall behind right now, and things get even busier around here once summer hits.)

It’ll be tough if the best option for me is to quit and move back in with my parents. This is a job that a graduating journalism student would love to get his or her hands on, but I’m the one who got it. AND, I got a job in Michigan, which is a very special feat these days.

But some of my hours fall in the evening (at least 2-4 hours of evening work outside of my house every week)… and I’m a college grad getting paid $9 to do the work of at least two people.

Anyway, I’m not looking forward to talking to people tomorrow because I did a really crappy job this week AND I want to talk to them about my concerns AND my daycare is closed for Good Friday and I have nothing set up childcare-wise, so I have no choice but to stay home Friday (or bring Anna to work, which isn’t really a possibility).

Ugh. I just want to go back to our previous city. I never knew how nice it was there until I moved away

In about seven hours, I’ll be at my second funeral… only this time it’s a friend I met back in high school and managed to stay in touch with after graduation.

We started to run into each other more often over the last year since we both found ourselves back in town. The last time I ran into her, I was out with Anna buying more milk. It was New Year’s Eve, and I was standing in a super long line at the self-checkout with my one measly gallon of milk, while everyone around me was prepping for a big night of partying.

I heard someone call my name, and when I turned around I saw my friend, S.

We talked for a few minutes while I was in line, and then she invited me to her apartment for a small, low-key New Year’s Eve party.

My parents were nice enough to keep the baby monitor on with them after I put Anna to sleep, and for the first time in God knows how long, I spent a New Year’s Eve with friends. (I think I’ve only spent one other New Years with friends)

Later on, when I was making random Facebook status updates about the job hunt, this same friend often asked how things were going and wanted to know all about my new job once I accepted it.

Now she’s dead. Just like that.

21 years old.

It’s a really weird feeling. I think I’m still in shock because I haven’t cried or felt really depressed about it yet. It doesn’t feel real.

It probably will in about seven hours, though.

I just wish God would make a rule where no one dies in their 20s. Or, maybe He could only let people die if they’re acting like idiots and doing stupid things that could actually kill them.

She was just driving. No drinking involved, and in the evening when no one else is typically drunk driving either. But somehow she lost control of her car (I was driving the same day, and I do remember it being a little icey where I was, which was about 30 minutes north of her car accident). Her car went into the other lane and there just happened to be another car coming the opposite direction.

I hope I can keep myself together in seven hours.

My ever-so-worried dad quickly jumped on the search for the best way to get Internet where I am. We decided on one of those little things that plugs into the USB port, and it actually works fairly well (although it’s definitely slower than the connection at my parents’ house).

I also felt a bit better about my job today. The transition from parental help 24/7 when I need it to being completely on my own (minus the weekends, when I can go to my parents’ house or when Anna goes to her dad’s side of the family) really took a toll on my over the past week, but things are starting to look up.

I think I can manage… for now, at least. Things will keep getting better as I get adjusted to my new home and new job.

I just spend night #2 back at home (which is why I’m able to get on the Internet so early).

I miss having some adult company in the house, but I especially miss living in this town. I was starting to feel a little attached to it over the past few months before taking this job, but my desire to have a full-time job and be independent overruled everything.

But I like the job I have, and it looks really bad to quit something after one month, right?

I feel like I have post-partum depression… except the “I wish I never went through with the pregnancy!” thoughts are “I wish I would’ve never moved!”

I’m 3 weeks into my job, and things are going really well. I finally found a place to live (a house for rent), and I’m moving there this weekend!

The only catch is that it’s a few miles outside of town, which in that area of Michigan means that I have no cable or internet.

But it’s so much nicer than things I would find in town, so I had to go for it.

A small 2-story 3-bedroom house for $500/month? Yes, please. (And it’s been kept up so well that I was really surprised when I first checked it out.)

I’m looking into the options for how I want to deal with the no internet issue, but for now I’m just going to say that I won’t have any internet for a while. I can do whatever I need on the internet at work, so I’ll live with that for a while.

I haven’t even packed up one thing for the big move. That’s what tomorrow night is for (at least that’s what I keep telling myself). At least I’ve taken care of calling the electric company so that I’ll have power when I move in.

What I’m most excited about, though, is buying all those little things that you need when you have a house (cleaning supplies, trashcans, a doormat…)

Actually, now that I’m thinking about all of this, I really need some sort of coat rack right inside the front door…

Anyway, I’ve been up way too long, and I need to get some sleep. I work until 3 tomorrow, then pick up Anna, then take her to her grandparents’, then go to an hour-long meeting for work, then… go home and pack, I guess?

I think a lot of it might be the 45-minute commute. I am so looking forward to us finding a place to live nearby so it’ll only take 10 minutes to get Anna and go home.

Unfortunately, it’s been a little difficult to find a place to live. Most of the apartments (and there aren’t many) are subsidized. My income at the moment definitely qualifies me for them, but subsidized = waiting list. I plan to have an application in at each complex next week, and I’ll continue to look for other rentals as time goes on. The upside to commuting is that I get to continue to live rent-free and not have to pay for all of my own food… but I really don’t want to commute for more than a month or so. I want to get into town and get to know people. I want to get the rest of the life transition underway!

I guess I get to work on that transition a little bit this weekend. I want to go through most of my stuff and figure out what is important enough to bring with me when I move and what I need to give or throw away. (I also want to get enough boxes to pack all my stuff for the move so that I don’t have as much to do when I finally find a place)

This is one of Anna’s weekends away, so I also need to rest up as much as possible for my very first full week of work coming up!

I will get paid very little to start out, but it’s technically doable (my mom and I sat down and put together some sort of hypothetical budget). But since the job itself is something I really want, it’s worth going for it.

Plus, I found out that I’ll only be 45 min – 1 hour away from home (and I don’t have to move there immediately. I can take my time finding an apartment, daycare, etc…. just as long as I move sometime within the next 4-5 months).

I start on Wednesday.

I felt like life was moving so slow, but it’s crazy to see all that has happened over the past month or so:

Graduation/first freelance story printed: December 12

Found out about this job: January 5

Interviewed for job: January 8

Offered job: January 15

Accepted job: January 16

Start job: January 20

That’s only 5 weeks between graduating and accepting my first full-time post-grad job.

You know what’s really cool about everything? As graduation loomed, I started kicking myself for not sticking with one of my previous majors. I was especially upset that I didn’t stick with journalism because it took me until the end of college to realize that I enjoyed it.

But then I got a freelance job writing for my local newspaper.

And now I’m about to start working as the reporter/writer for a nearby county’s newspaper.

Funny (and amazing) how life works out sometimes…

I LOVE the job itself… but it pays next to nothing.

I’ll get a raise after couple months when they see how well I work (figuring I do a good job, of course), but that still not be enough.

My mom and I put together a budget, and it’s manageable as long as my parents pay for daycare (which they’re OK doing).

It would also keep me within an hour or so of both sets of Anna’s grandparents, so I would have people on hand in case of an emergency.

I only have until the end of the weekend to decide. I just “slept on it” after putting together a budget, and I don’t feel too much closer to making my decision. There’s no doubt I want the job, but I can’t figure out if it’s a risk worth taking. (I’m leaning toward “yes,” but Anna, my mom, and I are going to take a drive through town today to look around. I’ve already driven through once or twice before, but it’s worth exploring before making any decisions)

I don’t like this whole being an adult thing